This Profound Mystery

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the Church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Ephesians 5:31-33

A favorite joke of Molly’s is referring to us as one flesh when discussing tasks that need to be accomplished, typically by Chris. For example, when there are dishes to be done, “we’ll do those later.” And despite the low likelihood Molly will be doing the dishes, what a joy to both be doing them because we are, in fact, one flesh. We admit the biblical soundness of this joke leaves something to be desired, but it was a solid way to get this started.

To understand how to apply Ephesians 5:31-33 to our lives and marriages, it is going to be crucial to get a sense for what exactly Paul is saying here.

In verse 31, Paul directly cites the passage that has been underpinning his entire discussion about marriage: Genesis 2:24. This Old Testament reference is evidence that how we understand marriage is not only drawn from the words of the Apostle Paul but is also established from the very first pages of Scripture. One remembers the Lord saying of Adam, “It is not good that the man should be alone” (Genesis 2:18). Thus, God “caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man He made into a woman and brought her to the man” (Genesis 2:21). Here, in the second chapter of the Bible, we see God take of Adam’s flesh and fashion for him a companion separate and distinct from himself. And then, in the covenant of marriage, mysterious as it may be, God unites husband and wife together again as one flesh.

Now, this idea of husband and wife “becoming one flesh” in marriage can, unsurprisingly, be confusing. This “profound mystery” is also where Paul throws a wrench in the works. In verse 32, Paul notes that this “refers to Christ and His Church.” He was just speaking about marriage—does the reference to Christ and His Church mean that this mystery is disconnected from the idea of a husband and wife coming together as one?

Well, theologian Peter O’Brien argues in The Letter to the Ephesians that Paul is not just reminding us of the original marital context of Genesis 2:24. However, Paul is also not exclusively talking about Christ and His Church, abandoning his discussion of marriage entirely. Instead, O’Brien argues that Paul is saying this mystery means that the relationship between Christ and His Church is a typology or pattern of marriage. The once hidden plan of God to unite His Church to Himself is now clearly on display in our union to Christ. Just as a husband and wife are no longer separate flesh once married, so too Christ and His Church are no longer divided.

Marriage is wonderfully and mysteriously intended by God to remind us of our union to Christ. Importantly, this reminder is also not just for those who are married. Marriage is meant to picture our union to Christ for everyone who witnesses it. This reality should fundamentally transform the way husbands and wives relate to one another. The imperatives in verse 33 should take on a profound significance. This responsibility to respect and love your spouse should point to and reflect Christ’s own care for His Church. When husbands and wives neglect or abuse one another, they distort what is meant to be a beautiful illustration of God’s love.

Now that we have a sense of why Paul directed his discussion about marriage to Genesis 2:24 in the first place, we can now ask how these verses should impact our day-to-day relationships. When looking again at verse 31, it’s worth noting that our American culture tends to highlight the first part more than the second part. We find the “leaving father and mother” to be a fairly normal part of marriage but often minimize the imperative to “become one flesh.” Alternatively, outside of America it is far more common for extended families to live under one roof. Indeed, for most of human history, it would not have been odd for husbands and wives to get married and then remain in immediate proximity to their parents. It is only relatively recent in history that “leaving one’s father and mother” could mean moving across the country to start a “new” family.

This tendency is helpful to acknowledge. Western culture tends to prioritize individualism and autonomy above nearly all else. That generally means that “leaving father and mother” is expected, especially when a husband and wife marry and start a family of their own. However, the “coming together as one flesh” aspect of marriage can appear particularly foreign. Even if we understand this as pointing to our union with Christ, what does “becoming one flesh” actually mean for marriages?

When we contemplate Ephesians 5:31, we need to understand that “becoming one flesh” is a true unification. A bringing together of separate things, such that they are no longer identifiable apart from one another. This will bring us outside of our comfort zones, to say the least. Marriage requires a degree of vulnerability and self-sacrifice that much of Western culture argues should be avoided. We are told in countless ways by modernity that we are our own and belong to ourselves. Marriage is a direct affront to this understanding of humanity. While we do indeed remain individuals with distinct personalities, marriage is a commitment that we are no longer our own. We belong, in a sense, to another.

When we contemplate our own marriage, we are regularly confronted with our need for Christ’s help. On our own, we are unable to be the kind of spouses we ought to be. While we are joining ourselves with an imperfect spouse, we are simultaneously unified with a perfect Savior. What a gift to reflect that union.

 

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This devotional has been co-authored by Chris Hatley and his wife, Molly.