A Word to the Fathers

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord

Ephesians 6:1-4

As I think about our passage and the readership of this devotional, I know two things: 1) all of us are children, and 2) most of us are now adults. So even though Paul addresses children first, I want to focus on his instruction to fathers. To the fathers among us—and to the women, men, and children who pray for fathers—let us take Paul’s instruction to heart.

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger. The commands in Scripture are there for a reason. Why would Paul tell fathers not to provoke their children to anger? Because men, if we’re not careful, that’s exactly what we’ll do! In ancient Roman society, fathers had near absolute authority over their children. Before the laws were changed in the later years of the empire, fathers could kill their children or sell them into slavery. In this setting, we can imagine how fathers could abuse their power and provoke their children to anger (Ephesians 6:4) or discouragement (Colossians 3:21). In our time there are legal guardrails to protect children from abusive fathers, but we can still provoke our children to anger. We need to ask ourselves some hard questions. How are we harsh with our children? How do we show favoritism to one child over another? How do we neglect them? How are we inconsistent in our discipline? How do we “major” in finding fault and “minor” in giving encouragement? How do we speak to our children in ways that don’t glorify the Lord? How have we provoked our children to anger?

The call to be a father never comes at the ideal time. Imagine the joy of being a father when we’re not laying down our life for our wife, working hard in our profession, and caring for our own aging parents. Now let that dream go because it’s not reality. The call to be a sacrificial leader at home comes in the season when we feel most exhausted and ill-equipped. So we can understand why we would be prone to harshness, favoritism, neglect, inconsistency, fault-finding, and sinful speech. But weariness and immaturity are no excuse. Fathers, we must understand what’s at stake in the way we love our children. Provoking them to anger means driving them to the point of exasperation. They lose heart. They become bitter. They don’t want to hear from us, and who can blame them? When we fail to exercise our God-given authority in a way that blesses our children, we alienate them from the very instruction and authority that they need. And that’s why Paul says don’t do that, but instead do this.

Fathers, bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Of all the fatherly responsibilities, notice that Paul highlights this one. Provision and protection are important, but bringing our children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord is paramount. To be this kind of father implies that God is doing a great work in our own lives. Do we love the Lord and know His Word so that we might teach it diligently to our children (Deuteronomy 6:5-7)? Are we praying that they would love Him and delight in His Word? Do we see the goodness of God’s loving, fatherly discipline in our own lives (Hebrews 12:5-11)? Have we submitted ourselves to His discipline and instruction so that we’re growing in the ways that we want our children to grow? As fathers, have we prioritized the discipleship of our children? Are we talking and praying about it with our wives? Are we setting apart time to shepherd our children toward Jesus?

Who among us is able to reflect the perfect love of our heavenly Father to our children? If the Spirit has opened our eyes, it only takes this one verse (Ephesians 6:4) to expose our deep need for heart-level transformation. When we see our inadequacy, the Lord wants us to know that “our sufficiency is from [Him].” He “has made us sufficient to be ministers of a new covenant” (2 Corinthians 3:5-6). Today, can we acknowledge our shortcomings as fathers and rest in the perfect love of our heavenly Father and the perfect sacrifice of our older Brother? By the power of the Holy Spirit, will we “put on Christ” as fathers and use our authority in ways that will bless our children now and for decades to come? Do we realize that the Lord is just as interested in our sanctification as He is in our children’s? “He who calls [us] is faithful; He will surely do it” (1 Thessalonians 5:24).