The Yellow Leaves

He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by Him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through Him and for Him.  And He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together. And He is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything He might be preeminent. For in Him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through Him to reconcile to Himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of His cross.

For in Him the whole fullness of deity dwells bodily, and you have been filled in Him, who is the head of all rule and authority.

Colossians 1:15-20, 2:9-10

A few weeks ago, a yellow tree caught me as I stumbled. I carried frustration and melancholy with me. At times, I can carry these things, talk to God, and let them go. But other times, especially in winter, I tend to let worries and discontentment walk with me. These feelings join me in different ways. They welcome longer nights and light them by the blue screen of my phone. They lurk as I grow tired of seeing ads for too-expensive pajamas on Instagram. They remind me that my life doesn’t look like the last third of a Hallmark movie yet. It’s harder for me to retreat from this pity-party state of mind in winter. The darker, colder days cause me to stumble.

But on a late November day a few weeks ago, the tree on my path to my apartment guided me out of the dark. I like this tree. It stands by a set of stairs leading to my apartment. I noticed it each day in autumn because its leaves shone a bright yellow. On that November day, the tree shed a lot of its leaves. I stopped on my way home and looked. Yellow leaves gathered at the base of every stair on my path.

As I crunched the bright leaves leading me home, I remembered Jesus. I remembered that “Those who walk in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in the land of darkness, on them has light shone” (Isaiah 9:2). Jesus lights my path. But not only mine. The apostle Paul reminds me that, “by Him all things were created” (Colossians 1:16). During creation, God said, “let there be light” (Genesis 1:1). And when Jesus came, He said He came to be the “Light of the World” (John 8:12). The light of His creation scattered on each stair step. The leaves lit my path.

Paul also reminds me that Jesus created the world and "in Him all things hold together" (Colossians 1:17). Jesus not only created the universe, but He also rules, orchestrates, and sustains it. I exist under His care and providence.

I noticed this morning that my yellow tree is bare. Only thin branches remain. I know the bleak winter will come for me again. But I know that Jesus lights my path, that He created and sustains me. He reminded me with the fallen leaves, and He reminds me all the time in so many ways. 

When my family pulls out old photos, they point to one of their favorites of me as a toddler. They took the photo during a Colorado blizzard in the few years we lived there. I don’t remember much about Colorado. I was born on St. Simons Island, Georgia. Our family lived in Colorado for a few years before moving back to Georgia. The photo shows me in our Colorado house with the blizzard outside. I am wearing my Winnie-the-Pooh swimsuit. I know sometimes the melancholy of winter will come. But I will remember my defiant, toddler self. She loved the beach even during the blizzard. My Creator, who made the yellow leaves and the sun, made me, made the world, and catches me when I stumble.